Julia Says

My grandmother Roop, who managed to birth and raise nine children, excused her little wise acres by simply saying, “Oh, they’re just at that age!”

My daughter and son-in-law have blessed us with two wonderful grandkids, Jack age eight, and Julia (recently) four. And it would appear that Julia (who got a mention for one of her gems in an earlier column), the barely bumping four, has been “Just at that age!” since she’s been old enough to talk.

Now, these little bon mots can be very entertaining to us GRANDS. When we aren’t showing photos of the little urchins, we tend to busy ourselves sharing our most recent “Then, Julia said!”

I’d be shocked if any GRAND reading this isn’t already ahead of me, as many of you have Julia’s of your own. But there will be an age when cute becomes insufferable----and so my daughter is cringing as she anticipates the (they’re just at that age) teen years.

Now, to bring this future dilemma into perspective, let’s review the “wit and wisdom” of this four-year-old of ours.

Finding a note from her father, she “reads” the following to her mother. Dear Liz, I’m headed to the Home Depot but want to make sure that Julia gets that ice cream that I promised her before I left!” Liz sneaks up behind Julia (who does NOT read) and sees that her daughter is working with a blank sheet of paper.

Sound like trouble, may be in the offing?

Liz to Julia: “Momma! Momma! Momma! I don’t want to hear one more Momma today.”  And Julia says, “Well, then would it be okay if I just call you Liz?”

Grumps rolls into his grandkid’s, driveway after a six-hour drive. I pop out of the car and following quick hugs and perhaps an inappropriate pronouncement as I race to my restroom destination, I hear Julia say, “Momma, tell Grumps I know what ‘have to go like a racehorse means!’”

Later that evening, having been writing Jack and Julia Grumps stories throughout the Covid months, here I am finally landing in Georgia for that long-awaited visit and Julia wanders up and says, “Hey, Grumps why do you keep writing these Grumps stories?” I say, trying not to be offended, “Well, what do you want me to write about?” 

Julia looks out across the backyard at the trees and says, “Well, how about leaves?”  I say, “Okay, how about ‘Hey, Grumps why don’t you LEAF us alone!’” 

And she says, “I can’t believe you said that in real life!”

I know we didn’t get to see them for months but do my grandchildren now think this Grumps is some kind of fictional character?

Several months later, during a call from Georgia to North Carolina, Julia gets on the phone with her grandmother and says, “Hey, Boppy, how about telling Grumps to come down here and bring me a QTip” …. then after a pause she says,” ….” And then tell him he can go home!”

Ouch, and those teen years are less than a decade away.

Julia says, “Momma, do you care as much about whether I go poop as Grumps and Boppy care about Maggie (our labradoodle) going?”

Julia says, “Momma I don’t know any cusses, I want to know them all!”

And sadly, the answer, as much as my daughter promotes regularity, she COULD NOT care as much as Alyce and I care about keeping Maggie regular.

Speaking of potties, Julia was still on toilet after her mother had read her an entire book. Liz says, “Now, Julia, did you understand all that?”  Julia says,

“What I understand is that you haven’t started reading me that other book over there by the sink!”

To her vacationing uncle, “Uncle Matt, why do you always drink beer?”  Matt,

“Because it makes me feel good!”  Julia says, “

That’s what my momma says about wine!”

Which she DID NOT say, although I fear Julia will drive her mother to drink!

Julia, after first day of her two-hour session of P-K school, hops in her mom’s car and says, “Boy I need a break, that’s exhausting.”

Julia tells her teacher at P-K that her father has flown off for a vacation to Mexico leaving his family at home, failing to mention that her father flies an Airbus for Delta.

Julia gets a fortune in a fortune cookie that aptly says, “People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner!”  She asks Liz what it means and Liz says, “Well, that people tend to do what you tell them to do!”  And Julia says, “How about cleaning my room? It’s a mess!”

Okay I think it’s time to turn the lights out on this little wise acre and send her off to bed.

At least that’s what Liz thought the evening she snuck into her bedroom to make sure that Julia was covered and asleep.

The room was pitch black and as  Liz leaned over the bed to tuck her in a little gravelly voice came from under the covers, “I come from another land, a very dark place!”  Liz jumped and later said,

“Dad, she scared the heck out of me!”

Well, here’s what Grumps fears. That although delightful and a walking talking punch line, that she does, at least at times, come from another land which is a dark place... And that said, when she lands on her thirteenth birthday, she will, without question, be JUST AT THAT AGE!